I've begun to realize how strange the concept of time can be when you're away from home, and away from the familiar. How fast the moment to moment brings a vast amount of feelings forcefully pounding against your brain thought after thought, emotion after emotion. In one minute, you feel pounds of loneliness pour into your soul and you just want to run to the places you feel the most comfortable, having conversations with the people who truly understand you. In the next moment, you are filled with the utmost gratitude for what "home" means, and those people that you left behind. I cannot even begin to describe how much I've come to appreciate who I have back in the states, and how much I hold them dear to my heart. Then suddenly, just as you feel like you might be faced in a swinging match against a panic attack, you're in fits of laughter with your best friend laughing over all the crazy emotions we're experiencing together, and separately. The moment to moment emotions happen so quickly, but all in all, time slows down immensely. Days seem to last forever, on and on and on. Thinking of next week seems to be as far away as a year from now. I wouldn't trade any of these tougher times for anything else right now. It's quickly been a wake up call as to just how fast the effects of traveling can hit you. Within a week I've gone from being on a top of a mountain (literally and figuratively) to feeling some of the woes that come along with this journey. I'm doing my darndest to embrace each and every fragment, especially the rough times. I'm learning tons of things about myself, like just how hard I am on myself and how I appreciate all these other people in my life, but never ever take a moment to appreciate myself and how hard I've worked to get here, mentally and physically. (side note: hey, thanks Mia for stepping your game up and finally doing what you've been talking about for the past decade or two.) Appreciating and loving myself is definitely something I need to, and will continue to work on. I know that's one of the main reasons I started this journey to begin with, for me. For the internal struggles and madness and love that will hit me each one by one like a ton of bricks whenever the time deem itself fit. Each chapter unfolding momentarily opening windows and doors that I didn't even know existed. This whole thing is insanely beautiful. Now that I've began to see beyond the physical scenery, and into the mountains and landscapes within myself, I can only anticipate every lesson and every battle I will be faced with.
Until then, the sweeping ticks of a clock will undo my future second after second.
Dead chicken count: 3