So here I am, two weeks until my departure, about to embark on one of the biggest journeys I've ever been on. I've dreamed about this day since I was a child.
I remember the first time I learned about archaeologists, I'd wanted to become one. Not particularly because I wanted to actually be an archaeologist-- (although the concept does seem fun) but because I wanted to explore all these wondrous monuments and artifacts that make up our human history. Now I still want to do that, but more than just the structures, I want to shake hands personally with the culture, the foreign mind, the history, the nature, and myself. I have to say, that as much as I can't wait to explore different parts of this earth, I'm also anticipating exploring myself mentally, spiritually, and physically put my endurance to the test. I'm just moments away from doing that. I'm excited, jubilant, terrified. Stirred up with a bit of that good anxiety- like when you're about to go on a first date with someone thrown amidst the sea of real live communication with some potential love partner. (WHICH IS TOTALLY SCARY IN 2014!) All those irrational questions that ponder in your head... (at least if you're me) What will we talk about? Will we connect? What should I wear? What music does he listen to? Gosh, what if it's horrible.. Please don't be dub-step! What if he's boring? Oh no, should I cancel? Do I look alright? Ha! I'm giggling at how perfect that describes a brief bit of the way I feel. Except the potential lover is a vast array of cities, people, and culture that I've never experienced. As the days near closer, the degrees of feelings change. Within moments I'll find myself going from extreme excitement, to a ball of anxiousness completely scared of what's in store for me. One minute I wish I was already there, the next I'm wishing I could stop time completely. It's been a nudge to stay in the moment as much as possible, as these past couple weeks have taught me just how much I have to leave behind here. My heart has filled to the brim with the love I've found myself surrounded by from friends and family. It's left me in awe at times to feel that from everyone. I truly love the people in my life, and I'm sad to leave them behind for whatever the time being. I also feel as if I'm leaving behind a part of my former self that I'll never get back. And while self evolution is always potentially a good thing, it feels a bit unnerving to really wrap your head around something you know will forever change you, and your life. To think that this is probably the biggest thing I've wanted, for as long as I can remember, is also a mix of totally strange and contradictory feelings. Every oxymoron of feelings have approached me all at different times and lengths. I know this is just the beginning. But, as we all know, the fun happens when you escape your comfort zone. So while I might be nervous, I'm going for it.
See you on the other side. :)